I’ve been crying a lot during the last week. Really scared of the thought of giving my whole summer to chemotherapy and then radiation (having already tasted the bitterness of chemo this last winter). I don't even know what the oncologist will tell me. There is no plan in place yet, but I have been making deals with The Almighty. Ever done that? I have no problem with it. He understands. But,
After much wrestling with the Lord, I’m almost at the point where I can say:
“Lord, who am I, that I would ask to be spared from something that others are not spared from? I don't know!! I know I have cried out to You, believing that You are still in the miracle business ... the deliverance business! I know that it's given me hope, and I know I've seen you do some pretty wild things. I'm not following the doctors, Lord!! I'm following You. Looking for You. Listening for You. And I've heard You speak thru them. And no matter what happens ... I am committed to walking thru this valley with You."
“Lord, I will do ANYTHING to get rid of this cancer for good!" "And I will do anything to come out of this more mature and less fearful and more trusting of YOU"
"Lord, I will go where You lead. I will obey. Even if it is painful. I know that I know that I know that I know that You did not bring this cancer to me. But it's here. And I will obey my way thru this difficult time. But it doesn't mean I won't cry the whole time (or at least in between blogs) :)"
I only want to follow the Lord Jesus Christ: To trust Him for big things ... but to obey in all things. There's nothing in all the world like hearing His heartbeat as I lean against His chest. There is a sweetness in suffering. I am loved. You are too.
We travel to Chicago May 27/28 ... at that time we'll know what future treatments will be recommended.
Isaiah 50:10 "Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God"
We are thinking of you and praying for you. Be courageous. Your honesty about what you are going through and your honesty with the Lord is inspiring. I like that you said that the Lord did not bring you the cancer. It just sounds like such a terrible thing. Keep being that little warrior!! Your friends care about you, and more importantly, He cares for you!(Like you don't know)
ReplyDeletehey ... which mike are you? inquiring minds want to know. :)
ReplyDeletethis one...
ReplyDeleteohhhhh THAT mike! bless you, brother. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your humanity and His deity with us. I sometimes wonder what would I do if faced with a tough situation like yours. I think the answer is that no one of us can do anything but completely trust in Him. Hmmm, I think the word "completely" is pretty tough for me. Ever wonder how fortunate we are to know Jesus? I always try to go back to Romans 8:26-32. But why us? I can tell you that very seldom I feel glorified, but I still try to remember this passage and it helps me. I'm hoping it may help you too. We keep praying for you sister!
ReplyDeleteHam I Am
Diane, this was a very touching reading. You are in our thoughts and prayers (Bill too) and we will lift up some extra prayers as you travel back to Zion on this upcoming trip. We anticipate a God report for you and will look forward to your blog. You are very creative in this blog with all the colors, texts and other eye catching concepts you use. I take special note of your expression of walking with God and your holding on tightly to your Rock. He is I AM and the only one who cares for us as He does. Hold on tightly to His hand - He loves you !!!
ReplyDeleteBob & Bobbie Roby Fort Worth Texas