SURGERY

Bill and I leave for Chicago on Sunday April 26 and I will have surgery (lumpectomy) on TUESDAY APRIL 28 @ 1:30PM (Cleveland time EST). Very Nasty procedures @ 10am and 11am that same day. We'll be gone for a week.

I am neither brave nor courageous, and my heart is pounding as I write this. Fear is a true enemy of mine. A formidable foe.

I'm hoping that some of you may be willing to pray for DR. RAY, my surgeon. I'm looking for anyone who might be willing to pray (to Jesus) for Dr. Ray every day starting today. Pray as God leads you to pray. I don't want to wait till the last minute. While I'm lying on the table, it will help me greatly knowing that he is 'covered in prayer' by you, and that I don't have to get all worked up. Do you know what I mean?

I've had a great 2 weeks of feeling very good. This has caused a huge dilemma, in that now no one believes I'm sick or need prayer!!! I need to start acting sickly. Maybe I won't wear make-up in public! Maybe I should only wear my black scarves. No more bright pinks and purples! Perhaps I shouldn't burst out laughing. Well ... all I know is that laughter is good medicine. And this has been my motto from the beginning "When I can smile ... I will smile big. When I can laugh ... I will laugh ... loud and hard! ... because there's been many times when I can do neither.

For today I will smile and laugh. And today I know this, and will fight to hold onto it: Jesus has promised "I will never leave you nor forsake you". Believe it, Diane. You believe it, too. Okay?

Want to see Dr. Ray talking? http://www.cancercenter.com/midwestern-hospital/physicians/stephen-ray.cfm

AN EMAIL I SENT OUT APRIL 4TH

i wanted you to know that a lumpectomy (not a mastectomy) is scheduled in chicago for april 28 (tues). horribly nasty procedures on april 27 (mon). the tumor did not pull away from the chest wall. instead it was pulling the chest wall up with it. but it did shrink. the lymphs shrunk also. they are all very pleased with the clinical result of the chemo. they won't know til after surgery (pathology report) if i need more chemo (less dose). it depends on if there are 'clear margins' and how the lymphs look. at this point i don't know how i could possibly handle more chemo. 3+ weeks past my last chemo and i'm still not well. radiation is seemingly inevitable. then tamoxifen (a drug to suppress estrogen ... for 5 years). i know most of you are not interested in all this 'clinical' talk ... but many are ... so i'm sorry if you didn't want all this info. but i still thank you for remembering me ... and all the myriads of others going thru the same trial. it's an unbelievable road.

i'm gonna work thru this. it's all a process ... emotionally, physically, spiritually. thank you for caring.

p.s. i'm looking for emails from any of you who have information and opinions about removing the ovaries so that i won't need to be on tamoxifen. (tamoxifen can cause uterine cancer). this stupid tumor is fed by estrogen. email is the best way for me to receive this info. keep in mind that i would jump this ship in a minute to do things naturally. i'm hoping for opinions as well as a website or two i can visit. i know some of you have no ovaries ... and are sorry about it. if you have input, i'd be interested. (bill said he doesn't have ovaries, but he can't help me).

p.p.s.. i'll tell you about the MRI on the blog later. He was there. :)

p.p.p.s. so grateful that i didn't get another chemo this week. unbelievable mercy.

p.p.p.p.s. (am i doing these p.s.'s right? ... homeschool moms can let me know) .... am struggling with the thought of being so far away from my support system (family & crucial friends) during surgery. but we know we are in the right place (cancer treatment ctrs in chicago). my surgeon is one of only 5 surgeons in the U.S. who does what he does. he's well-seasoned at the age of 66. i think that's a good age. he's seen it all and has good intuition.

p.p.p.p.p.s. do you remember when i prayed that my organs wouldn't be harmed by the 'fire' of the chemicals? the oncologist always giggles out loud when she reads the lab report because my liver keeps getting healthier and healthier. well now. that's something to ponder. :)

thanks for cheering me up. i feel better than when i started writing this. i had only planned on writing 3 incomplete sentences with only bare minimum details.