RE-BORN

Without the threat of impending 'procedures' or bad news WE ARE ENJOYING LIFE!  We are loving our humungous back yard.  Loving having people over.... plus the Youth Group on Sunday nights ... that's the best!  Loving the sunshine.  Loving the front yard.  Loving the flowers like crazy.  Loving our vegetable garden.  Loving everything.  Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own.  Today, we are loving LIFE!

ALL CLEAR!!!!!!

Bill and I spent a jam-packed day at 'Cancer Treatments Centers of America' in Chicago on Monday, May 24.   We went there very sobered, and prepared for anything.  You see ... I had a scan done here at home before we left, and it gave us a cause for concern.  But after arriving at the awesome and wonderful place called CTCA ... and after they poked me way too many times (because my veins will not cooperate) ... and scanned me way too many times .... my oncologist gave me good news.  They didn't find anything!  They found no cause for concern!  And he also thinks I have a bright future ahead of me!!!!    I'll take it!

God is good no matter what.  I will praise Him in life and in death.  So all is well no matter what. But we are relieved and grateful to be praising Him on this side of suffering.  WAHOOOEY!

Psalm 18:10  The name of the Lord is a strong tower.  The righteous run to it and are safe.

HAIR, ETC.

Tomorrow I'm getting my first real-live hair cut at a salon in over 1 1/2 years!  My hair is so curly!  I like it!

My bones ache from the Tamoxifen.  And I've gained a lovely 20 pounds.  I think it's Tamoxifen plus the instant menopause (caused by the chemo). 

My arm is still killing me (surgery and mostly radiation).

But I am cheerful ... hopeful ... energetic.  That is truly a gift. 

I am also sleeping fairly well.  Am no longer depressed.  And have basically have no need to take anxiety meds.  This is due to my awesome Naturopath at CTCA.  I'm on some natural supplements that have totally helped!

Life is leveling itself out.  I go to Chicago for my first follow-up appointment on May 24.  I know how one doctor appointment can change your life.  Hmmmmm.  All I know is that I have today.  And that's good enough.  I'm alot braver than I was before cancer came to visit me.  And I'm alot calmer.  Still crazy-hyper sometimes .... but alot calmer most of the time.

Jesus ... please continue to cultivate gratefulness in my heart and mind.  And please allow us to relax more and more every day.  Please give us great healthy bodies, so that we can serve You and enjoy you and the people around us.  Amen.

I LIKE IT

I kind of like this little 'spot' ... this 'blogspot' that has my name on it.  Somehow it makes me feel safe and comfortable.  It's a familiar place for me to come to.  And I don't even need to say much.  Because it's my spot.  I like it.

It's a beautiful, yet brisk day where I live.  I had a good, long conversation today over a cup of tea with a friend.  I came home and made homemade carrot/spinach juice for Andrew and Bill and me.  Now I'm making a "real"  meal for my "boys" (someone told me once that I should  not call them my "boys" ... i should call them my "men").  I don't know, I just think it's more cozy to call them my boys.  They are out in the backyard doing productive man-like things.  I like that.  And because I've shared my heart today with a good friend already today, somehow I don't mind spending lots of time in the kitchen making a good meal or two.  Peaceful.  Content.  Wish every day could hold my heart in it's hand like this.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 says ....

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands."  


P.S.  The meal burned as I sat here and typed this blog.  Now that's .... real life.  It's still edible (at least most of it).

HEALING

Healing can't be rushed ....

I'm almost on the road to victory.  I'm not on the road yet.  But I can see it in the future.  I can taste it.  I don't know what it means.  I don't have a definition of it.  I just know I was born to do something big.  Maybe not big to anyone but God. 

 "God created in advance, good works for me to do."  (Ephesians 2:10) 

But healing can't be rushed.  There's a time for everything.  May pain and suffering complete it's good work in me.  (Isaiah 45:3)

Show me, Lord.  You know my heart's desire ...

IT HAS BEEN SAID .....

I once heard James Dobson of Focus on the Family say ....

 "Women are very strong.  A woman can get through anything.    But when it's over ... she collapses."

I concur ....

Signed,

A Woman :)

Getting Back to Normal?

Someone said to me near the end of radiation "Once you get thru these treatments you can get back to your old self ... you can get on with living your life ... just like before".

Stop.  Think.  Selah.

When a young soldier has been to Iraq and had friends die in his arms ... seen friends blown up in front of his own eyes ... has seen even his enemies shot to death.  Will he come home and be the 'same old guy'?  Don't think so.

If someone has been through invasive and scary procedures time and time again.  If they've been thru devastating chemotherapy ... then surgery that has left them mal-figured and sore ... followed by radiation that was supposed to leave them 'okay', yet they can't move their arm without pain 4 months later.  And then they're taking a drug for the next 5 years, that causes every bone in their body to ache.   Then the pervasive thought "What if IT returns?"

I don't think life will ever be as it was before I went to Iraq ..uh ... I mean went thru cancer treatments. 

I am dealing with life-changing anxiety ... and depression.

"He is close to the broken-hearted".  Be close to me, Jesus.  I believe.  I just don't feel.