my to-do list for new year's eve

to do: first thing when i get back to the hotel, i've scheduled in a minor nervous breakdown. had a not-so-nice mri experience today. have you EVER had one of those cotton-pickin' things??!!! yowsa. they didn't tell me ahead of time that they'd inject me while i was in that tube-thing!!!! .... they've lost a jewel from their crown! (maybe God will send a limo with a wet bar (with ginger-ale of course) to change my mind again... hahaha!)

tonite? hmmm. cards? tv? run away to fiji? a visit to a local church for a new year's eve service? a movie? hmmmmm. i wonder what bill will be doing? (bill told me to put a 'haha' in here) HAPPY NEW YEAR ... 2009!!!

word of the week: cotton-pickin'

i'm feeling a little goofy and narcissistic having a blog so that you can all know about me, and my every move. i suppose you don't have to come here if you don't want to. it still feels weird.

so ... have i even told you that i am on an emotional roller coaster? yup. before leaving for the cleveland airport my surgeon called and gave me more upsetting news. so i cried on the plane and held myself back so that i could really let it loose once we were in our hotel room in chicago. the driver at o'hare picked us up at baggage claim and asked how i was doing, and i cried.

"how am i doing??? how am i supposed to be doing???? this is horrible!!!! "(i thought)

cancer treatment ctrs of america (ctca) told us that a limo would take us to our hotel. well, it WAS a limo! a white stretch limo with a wet bar (ginger ale, of course) and cool lights and complimentary snacks. we were overwhelmed, and realized that ctca realizes that their patients have been under a heavy load ... overwhelmed ... unsure... stressed ... and scared. and this is their way of reaching out to us. this limo service was just the beginning of ctca showing us every kindness you could ever imagine. we spent the day meeting with nurses, my oncologist and having some tests performed. we were surrounded by warmth, smiles, friendliness, integrity and assurance. we felt validated and understood and respected. ctca has covered all it's bases in making me (and all patients) feel important. we are so confident that it was nothing less than God's kindness that brought us here. we are amazed. if we have to go thru this ... than this is the place to be. cancer experts ... who are willing to work with naturopaths and alternative therapies to help build up the body as the chemo tears it down. oh ... bill signed me up for a free massage on friday. maybe on saturday i'll get a manicure. are you getting the picture of how they are going out of the way to comfort and encourage? cancer is bad news ... but being treated in these extra special ways is so helpful.

i will meet with the oncologist tomorrow after a mammogram and mri. then a group meeting to discuss all possible therapies. i've spoken with 'lupe' the woman in charge of the cafeteria ... and she will cater to my annoying diet. and with a smile, i might add! all our meals are free. these people have taken my wounded heart and have put a salve on it.

medically: we will know more tomorrow after an mri and mammogram.

spiritually: i have always lacked in gratitude and thankfulness. all bill and i have done today is thank God for His grace and mercy in bringing us here. God works in mysterious ways. i am seriously blest. He is just lovin' on me and bill.

random tidbit: our hotel 'candelwood suites' is actually in kenosha, wisconsin ... 25 min for our shuttle driver to take us to 'ctca' which is actually in zion, illinois (one hour north of chicago).

P.S. i never did have to have that huge 'scheduled' cry .... i ended up breaking it up into tiny little 'one-tear' episodes.

WANNA PRAY? That God would direct Dr. Cintrin (oncologist) as he suggests a plan of action. Protect me, Lord!!!!!! You know my fears!!

in case you didn't know: bill is a great man and a wonderful comfort.


thank you for reading this blog !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


love,

diane

We're leaving today for Chicago (Monday 12/29 @ 5:30pm)

I've never blogged before! I have no idea what I'm doing! Am I too old to blog!!!! Haha! But here I go ......

I realize some of you do not believe the same way I do about Jesus Christ. But it's really who I am. And it will come out pretty strong here. Bear with me and come along side of me anyhow, okay? I am not trying to make you believe anything. I could sure use your support.

This letter below is from a friend (last week) and it expresses how I see 'you and me' ... and it gives me such comfort!

I love you,

Diane (for Bill and Andrew too)

"Diane, you are not alone. We were never meant to walk alone. I think when a brother or sister is going thru a trial like you are, it is the job of the body to pray and battle as God leads and guides. And we should always be walking with Him and being guided by the Holy Spirit. He will delegate the work to His children according to His plans and sometimes they are people we don't even know. He always goes before us and prepares the way, and yet He never leaves us. He has already prepared things for you that you could never imagine as far as training up workers and arranging your care. In many situations like yours, your job is to surrender everything to Him with praises and thanksgiving. You still need to be sensitive to the Spirit because we are to bear fruit both 'in and out of season'. Fear and self pity never come from God. They are the enemy's tools to keep us paralyzed and distracted. When you feel fear know other Christian friends are dealing with it in prayer. Don't feel guilty, just know it will be dealt with along with the cancer. Self pity is a package satan delivers to you and it is your job to refuse it. As Christians, we are to be God-focused and other-focused. Joy and peace are from the Lord, and you should accept all of these gifts from God. The amazing thing about these huge trials, are that God uses them to increase our ability to experience joy and love. Go figure.

God has called me to such a time as this: He has given me my orders. He has called many others too. You need to wait for your orders, and rest in the mean time. Maybe right now your orders are to 'be still and know that I am God'. Oh yah ... He has your family covered, too.