i'm feeling a little goofy and narcissistic having a blog so that you can all know about me, and my every move. i suppose you don't have to come here if you don't want to. it still feels weird.

so ... have i even told you that i am on an emotional roller coaster? yup. before leaving for the cleveland airport my surgeon called and gave me more upsetting news. so i cried on the plane and held myself back so that i could really let it loose once we were in our hotel room in chicago. the driver at o'hare picked us up at baggage claim and asked how i was doing, and i cried.

"how am i doing??? how am i supposed to be doing???? this is horrible!!!! "(i thought)

cancer treatment ctrs of america (ctca) told us that a limo would take us to our hotel. well, it WAS a limo! a white stretch limo with a wet bar (ginger ale, of course) and cool lights and complimentary snacks. we were overwhelmed, and realized that ctca realizes that their patients have been under a heavy load ... overwhelmed ... unsure... stressed ... and scared. and this is their way of reaching out to us. this limo service was just the beginning of ctca showing us every kindness you could ever imagine. we spent the day meeting with nurses, my oncologist and having some tests performed. we were surrounded by warmth, smiles, friendliness, integrity and assurance. we felt validated and understood and respected. ctca has covered all it's bases in making me (and all patients) feel important. we are so confident that it was nothing less than God's kindness that brought us here. we are amazed. if we have to go thru this ... than this is the place to be. cancer experts ... who are willing to work with naturopaths and alternative therapies to help build up the body as the chemo tears it down. oh ... bill signed me up for a free massage on friday. maybe on saturday i'll get a manicure. are you getting the picture of how they are going out of the way to comfort and encourage? cancer is bad news ... but being treated in these extra special ways is so helpful.

i will meet with the oncologist tomorrow after a mammogram and mri. then a group meeting to discuss all possible therapies. i've spoken with 'lupe' the woman in charge of the cafeteria ... and she will cater to my annoying diet. and with a smile, i might add! all our meals are free. these people have taken my wounded heart and have put a salve on it.

medically: we will know more tomorrow after an mri and mammogram.

spiritually: i have always lacked in gratitude and thankfulness. all bill and i have done today is thank God for His grace and mercy in bringing us here. God works in mysterious ways. i am seriously blest. He is just lovin' on me and bill.

random tidbit: our hotel 'candelwood suites' is actually in kenosha, wisconsin ... 25 min for our shuttle driver to take us to 'ctca' which is actually in zion, illinois (one hour north of chicago).

P.S. i never did have to have that huge 'scheduled' cry .... i ended up breaking it up into tiny little 'one-tear' episodes.

WANNA PRAY? That God would direct Dr. Cintrin (oncologist) as he suggests a plan of action. Protect me, Lord!!!!!! You know my fears!!

in case you didn't know: bill is a great man and a wonderful comfort.


thank you for reading this blog !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


love,

diane