God Has A Plan For Your Life, And It Doesn't Include Fear

We’re flying to Chicago this Thursday (Feb 19, 7pm EST). No more planes falling from the sky!!!! Trying not to get worked up over this. Lots of snow and wind expected both days. Another chance to let go and trust Him. Oh boy. (return flight departs Saturday 2:30pm)

Chemotherapy #3 on Friday @ 12:30-4:30

I failed to ask for prayer last time for my anxiety, and to be more honest … my tendency to give in to panic. It usually strikes when the plane lands at O’Hare and builds thru that evening and the next morning till I’m in a tizzy. I"m a nut case.

“Lord, spare me from any allergic responses! Allow me to have less severe side effects. And how I appreciate and need the gift of Your presence. Speak thru the doctor, if you’d like to make any changes to protect your girl. Yes, protect me, Lord. We will be looking for Your fingerprints of mercy. And that tumor …. It’s in Your hands Lord. You know my prayer. I deserve nothing. But I know You love me. And You've given me the 'faith of a mustard seed'. Thank you for the people who read this and care. And thank you for the people who pray on my behalf. Build our faith, precious Lord. Make us the people You want us to be. Make a difference in our lives! And give us love. For you and each other. Thank you for changing a part of me thru this. Protect my family and I from sickness and infection during all of this. You are faithful. We have no other. You are enough. Amen.”

Do You Want The GOOD NEWS First?

Yes, it’s true! I was free to smile, laugh and dance at Billy’s wedding! Stayed until it was over! Simply amazing. My mom said “If you keep this up, no one will believe that you’re sick” …. Hahahahahahahahaha! You’ve gotta know my mom.

Thank you for praying for and encouraging me. It’s no little thing.

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John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy … but I have come that you might have life … and life more abundantly” …. Jesus Christ

My 2nd chemo treatment was harder than I thought it would be. In some ways it was way better than the first one. I didn’t get the rash. I didn’t have a load of bricks on my chest. I didn’t land in the ER. I didn’t get a few other things I never told you about (because you just wouldn’t want to know that stuff). But I was still laid up for nearly 9 days again. Very nauseous this time. Heart beating over 120 for a few days. Head pounding. Unable to eat (couldn't take my pills that would help). Constant headache. Very scary constant heartburn for many days. Feeling like someone poured cement in my gut. Extreme exhaustion. Some of the things I did to alleviate side effects, actually made them worse. Very upset. Okay, ticked off. Defeated. And now I am experiencing neuropathy in my feet. I guess the chemo attacks the nervous system and muscles. My heels feel like I’m walking on needles. I’m so sad for my body.

Truth: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” … Psalm 139

I am grateful: The appointment with the oncologist before the 2nd chemo went very well. She came in with my letter in hand. And she listened. And she adjusted some of my meds. We deleted the ‘take at home’ steroids. We deleted the ‘shot’ in my belly which caused me bone pain and other unlovely side affects. We laughed and hugged. She’s likeable. I am comfortable with her.

What’s the good news?: When the doctor felt the lump she was floored that it had decreased in size by 20% … it went from 5.5 cm to 4.3 after the 1st treatment. She kept saying “I’m impressed!”. Thank you for praying!

No belly shot and no steroid equals: Nausea, chance for allergic response, and low white blood cell counts (needed to fight infection).

The doctor labeled me as an: ENIGMA (the homeschool mom says “look it up in the dictionary”)

What would I say to someone who has cancer?: I have no clue. No one ever knows what to say. Every person needs something different. You never know if YOU have the golden key (golden words, golden prayers, golden demeanor). You never know.

What can you DO for someone who’s ill?: I don’t know … everyone’s different. Think ‘out of the box’. You don’t have to be traditional.

If you pray to Jesus … you can pray for: The neuropathy in my feet!!! That it wouldn’t be permanent. For my white blood cell count! No infection. And … I’m just plain scared and want to get off this chemo ‘boat’. I don’t want to lose hope, but I am discouraged because others only have a few days of feeling really bad … while my symptoms are overwhelming for quite a while. I want to have hope and a good attitude. Somehow it’s not what it was. The thought of another treatment …. what’s gonna happen next!!!!!??? I don't want to be an enigma!!!!

Another scripture: “When I am weak, He is strong” …

Don’t forget: the ER doctor’s words (you can go back to the previous blog titled “God in the ER)

Want to pray ridiculously? (Don't even read this unless you're brave): Pray that I wouldn’t need all the treatments (you know that I really mean ... no more treatments). That the tumor would be gone in 2 weeks when we go back … Feb 20. I also know that God isn’t disappointed that I ask. He isn’t saying “What a goofus!” . He wants us to ask. Doesn’t it take a ‘mustard seed’ of faith to even ask? It’s all up to Him anyhow. I really don’t deserve a thing. But I am His. And He is mine. I will never boast in my strength anymore. I will boast about my weakness ... because He is strong.

Very Weakly Yours, Diane

P.S. I'm addicted to you and your prayers. :) I hope you don't mind!